Reality Bites

Why is it that I keep hearing people discussing shows that I didn't know existed?  Where are all of these reality shows coming from and when do people find time to keep up with all of the many.  Even with the biggies such as Dancing With the Stars and American Idol, I watch the last 10 minutes to see the results of how it all came out. (as you all know I LOVE my pal Tivo)

 Sorry, I just can't sit for hours watching toddlers in tieras, housewives in various cities being bitchy with each other,  the incredibly bad behavior of Snooki and her pals on the Jersey Shore and frankly, I wouldn't waste a minute of my time watching any of the assorted K named Kar-trash-ians.

Is this really a toddler???

Seems that I have R-SADD. (reality show attention deficit disorder)

But these reality shows are multiplying like bunnies in the spring.  Supposedly they are cheaper to make than "story line" programing and you don't have to fork  money  over to "highly paid"  actors. (I can see where this is a win  for the producers of these gems.) But, alas, ....every time I am in a group of women friends there is a new "show" being talked about.  "Did you see so and so on Celebrity Rehab?"  "Wasn't that guy on the Millionaire Matchmaker a jerk?" And no self respecting women's cliche would be complete without discussing the various "buy and sell" programs on HGTV. HGTV is the nirvana of all tv programming.

I went in search of a list of all the shows that fit into the category of REALITY.  There are over a thousand.  Yeah, you heard me.... There are over ONE THOUSAND shows that could fit into the genre of reality shows.

I shouldn't be surprised.  With hundreds of cable channels now and some of those channels being nothing but reality shows, it isn't hard to rack up a lot of really bad programming.  So I am taking a look at just a few to bitch about, make fun of, comment on just 5 of these "must see" TV programs.


Here is just a mere sampling of shows I plan never to watch past today.  If I weren't researching these, I would say I they wouldn't have even made it to the one time mark. These are in no particular order as I pretty much think they all suck equally.  For those of you out there that don't agree with my "boycotted" choices, that's fine.  Watch them at your house.


1. The World According to Paris Hilton...(Oxygen It is supposed to start sometime in April but no specifics are available) You already know my take on this but let's recap.  She is the biggest narcissist on the planet.  (truly, if you Google the word narcissist, Paris' web site come up)
She says this show follows her from the time she gets up until the time she goes to bed.  I don't care.  I can't get through a 30 second commercial with her in it.  I can't imagine anyone caring enough to watch her unless maybe her old cell mates are curious how things are going.  (Surprise, suprise, she is still rich and still trashy)


2.   My Big  Redneck Wedding - (CMT channel multiple show times, check local listings)  OK, is it just me or does any one else think this is ABSOLUTELY one of the stupidest concepts EVER for a TV reality show.  I can't believe it is in the 4th season.  An even bigger problem is I can't believe these people are for real.  I mean, who wants their wedding march to be done by a person replicating a chicken squawking. (oh...come..on now, put down those hands out there!)

 Oh, and lets not forget the important part of the vows that say "I am not just marrying you for health insurance".  (evidently, I didn't think that I needed to include that when I married hubby)  In the promo, it asks the question, How Redneck Can You Be?"  I think these folks have proven that you can be pretty damn Redneck. I understand I am known for being conflicted.  Call me crazy but there is such a fine line between being funny, and being stupid.  Really, I don't have a problem with being creative, or casual, or country-fied, but I think these people are trying way too hard to act like "hicks" and they are trivializing the act of getting married.   (NOTE:  If you participants of Redneck Weddings, are really this stupid, I take it all back.  You have my sympathy for being incompetent idiots.  It must be difficult to have such a low IQ)

3. Pregnant in Heels (Bravo 8/9C premieres April 5th) - This little slice of the reality television is following the "coach" for the privileged mommies-to-be in Manhattan.  Rosie Pope the tough talking, straight shooting coach, advises her clients on everything from planning baby showers and hiring staff to decorating nurseries and organizing Brazilian waxing for the labor room.  The show promises us that we can see how to plan a shotgun wedding (shouldn't that be on the Redneck wedding show) and how to get your new baby into British aristocracy.(while this was a big worry of mine, I settled on how to get my kids into college)

 Again, I must be living in an alternate universe.  On my realm of existence, I didn't get a coach to help me through pregnancy.  Hubby got the glory of putting up with my hormone surges. (he, after all, was the responsible party that made aforementioned hormones go insane) and  as far as hair removal, I thought it was a good day when my legs got shaved. (my hubby can verify this: email him at "sheisatotalembarrassment@humiliated.com)

4. Confessions: Animal Hoarding (Animal Planet- Fridays at 10PM) Doesn't this sound like a lot of fun...good times...Already into season 2 we will get to see a man who has 130 roosters and hens in his house. Are we thinking that there might also be some little chicks and maybe enough fresh eggs to start a little side business. Another episode deals with a woman that has more than 250 cats. She  is worried about her marriage (ya think???) and can't mask the overwhelming smell of cat urine (2 times, ya think??)

5.  I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant (airs on both TLC and Discovery Health at various times) This one surprised me.  There are so many of these stories that they show them on two different channels and there are 12 episodes coming up between now and April 5th.  Lot's of chances to see women that seemingly don't keep tabs of their bodies.  Now men out there in the blogosphere, you might want to watch this one.  If you are looking for the stupid, sexually active, possibly single mothers with a ready made family this might be the show for you.  In fairness, the show claims that while this is rare (really...how rare can it be, they are running shows all over the place) it does happen that some women haven't got a clue that they are pregnant.  I am totally on board with the "they haven't got a clue" part. 


OK... there is are little appetizer of reality TV.  Maybe I can add a few here and there in up coming posts.  I wouldn't want my blogee friends to miss out on any exciting tv shows.  You never know when you have to make some small talk.  The weather and sports can only take you so far.


The Good for the Day....So many choices for our TV viewing pleasure.

The Bad for the Day....I get 450 channels and I can't find one darn thing worth watching.

The Weird for the Day.... There are over a 1000 weird reality shows

There are a lot of  STAR wanna-be's (rock or otherwise)