The Drug Of Choice

As most of you that have read my blog for any length of time know that every morning from 6AM to 7AM, I walk with my ex-neighbor in Dallas.  We simultaneously, try to solve all the world's problems...well that and trying to breath.  Between the Kansas City humidity and the Texas heat...trying to get our 5 miles done before either of us collapses is our daily goal.  Luckily in the 13 years we have done this we have only had a few crisises.  But I digress....

Texas pal has a friend that is going through some very scary medical challenges right now.  Horrific, life changing challenges.  One of the things we were discussing was some of the experimental drugs that insurance companies won't pay for.  The problem is that some of the drugs that insurance companies keep on the list as experimental, have in fact shown  that they work in clinical trials.  So Texas pal's friend is taking a drug that costs $3000.00 a month.  Holy S***! That is a huge amount of money for a bottle of pills.

I know a number of friends and family that have had to make really hard choices to pay for medical treatments or pharmaceuticals AND no matter who you talk to or what article you read it always says the same thing.  The big ole price tag isn't for the actual cost of the drug, it is the cost of the RESEARCH.

OK...for that amount of money, this is what I think we should all expect.

We need RESEARCH to come up with a pill that will cure any known disease, prevent any known or yet-to-be-known disease AND slow down ageing AND improve everyone's sense of humor.

I don't think that is out of line at all...so are you hearing me pharmaceutical companies????  Do I need to reiterate? 

I want to be perfectly clear...cure all disease, prevent all disease, keep us young and make us fun AND it is cheap.

You have to know that this isn't a new concept at all.  Why it is taking so long to get it on the market?  It's all about the liability issues. (oh, and those pesky profit minded insurance companies)

Back in the day when people could buy a bottle of magic elixirs that could cure EVERYTHING , there just wasn't all the worry about little annoyances of "known side effects" which of course, in today's world translates into that it  "somebody is going to get sued".

Ahh...the good ole days.  Not only could you get cured of anything



So anyway, back to my drug idea.  I want it to do those four things I mentioned and I want it to be affordable and it has to be paid for by the insurance companies. 


The real name of this drug probably is going to be something like
Sodiumonoectoadiapine, but we will market it under the name of SOME.
This really is just to make it incredibly easy to sell.  Face it, how easy is it to say "Take SOME".


The only drawback that I see other than the actual discovery of one drug that could cure all diseases,  prevent all diseases, keep us young and make us fun is the fact that the warning page would have to look something like this.  Oh, and the fact that none of the people that will buy or take this drug will ever bother to read all the warnings.   On the outside chance that you want to know what will happen when you take this drug here is the warning page:

Sodiummonoectoidiapine

Read the enclosed directions before taking SOME.  This medication should be taken under the supervision of your medical professional. 

• This medicine should not be taken if you are pregnant, ever want to be pregnant, are sexually active or ever want to become sexually active.

• Some of the possible side affects may include dizziness, sleepiness, sleeplessness,  anxiety, fever, headache, heartburn, incontinence,  vaginal dryness, anal leakage, premature balding, premature graying, or premature ejaculation.  

•  You should refrain from sitting, standing or laying down for 12 hours after taking SOME.  In some circumstances SOME  can cause minor skin rashes, major skin lesions, or in rare cases your skin may fall off.  In some individuals this product has been associated with shortness of breath, complete stoppage of breath, chest pains, heart attacks, seizures, and your brain exploding, your kidneys overflowing, your bowels turning to concrete.

• Male patients that have an erection that last over 72 hours, call your doctor, your wife, your mistress, and the lady next door. 

• Female patients experiencing vomiting that isn't initiated purposefully by sticking your finger down your throat, call your health care provider at your descretion or when the appropriate amount of weight loss is met.

•  If you are overtaken by a fit of uncontrolled swearing and you haven't recently watched NBC, ABC, CBS or FOX news call your health care professional immediately.

• If you notice any of the aforementioned symptoms as well as your skin turning green, your eyes turning red, your urine glowing in the dark or  hair growing out of any of of nine orifices, (men subtract 4 as we aren't including notrils or ears for you), please contact the healthcare professional that told you to take SOME.

If you can't afford this medication please call us at 1-866-723-4968.  ( 1-Too Sad 4 You)

* For full disclosure bloggees, I wanted to make that "Too Bad for You" but that is a real  phone number and I didn't want anyone dogging me for putting their phone number in this...even though I am just goofing around. But then you have to wonder why an apartment house in Florida has the phone number 1- Too Bad 4 You ????) If I ever move to FL, I will not be renting an apartment at that facility.

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But still, it will cure any disease, prevent any known or unknown disease, keep me younger, make me funnier, and it is cheap.  Sure I am goin' to get me SOME. How about you????

Let's hope that SOME would work better than this Miracle Elixer




The Good for the Day...that there really are some drugs that do miraculous things.

The Bad for the Day...Health issues

The Weird for the Day....Those full page warnings that are published along with drug advertisements. YIKES