post. You see..now that I have all of these really stellar, intelligent blog writers as my cyber friends, who write eloquent beautiful prose about the world and the ebb and flow of life, I am writing about wieners. Yep, that's right. My brain seemingly is on par with that of a 13 year old boy. I don't think my brain has actually morphed into that of an adolescent in the literal sense, you understand. More reactively...that is to say...I find myself giggling at all the assorted stories dealing with Rep. Weiner's **giggle, giggle** wiener. Sorry...**giggle** really, sorry.
Of course in this case, the media is talking about a mobile phone not
a MO BEEL as in Wienermobile.
This weeks big (errr..maybe not all that big) story is just the kind of fun, salacious fodder that the mainstream media outlets live for. The story that has now become known as Weinergate is in reference to a picture of a male crotch shot being tweeted from a phone to a young Seattle woman. Now you wouldn't think that a closeup picture of a man in his undies would be all that noteworthy but I guess if you are a Democratic Representative from New York it merits a couple of comments or maybe a few more than a couple....or perhaps hundreds. Let's get real. How often do you get a chance to say wiener over and over on the news?
What makes this story even more LAUGHABLE (not with him, at him kind of way)...is how Representative Weiner is handling it. (to clarify, handling the story, not the wiener). Instead of just saying clearly and forthright "that is not mine" or "clearly, my equipment doesn't protrude in that fashion" or "I wear tidy whities, so that can't be mine", he says crap like:
It certainly doesn't look familiar to me, but I don't want to say with certitude to you something that I don't know to be the certain truth.
Did he really just use the word CERTITUDE? All, I can say is Weiner needs to shut up now. Truly, just don't talk...you are making it worse. Don't believe me? How about this statement he made in an interview with Wolfe Blitzer on CNN. When asked if this photograph could be of him, he says....
I can tell you this, that there are -- I have photographs. I don't know what photographs are out there in the world of me.
Are there so many pictures of your groin floating around out there you can't recall them all? Here are a couple of other choice
You know, I -- I -- I fear we're going to find out that perhaps our security here was not particularly good. And maybe it's going to turn out to be a worse situation than it looks right now.
(what does that mean? Is there going to be more? Can it get worse than having your name associated with Weinergate and being the butt of wiener jokes? Sorry, couldn't help myself from throwing in another body part)
(why did he say "when you become mayor" instead of "I become mayor"...really the guy needs to quit talking and oh yeah, he needs to close his Twitter account)
OK..I am all petered out on that topic so let's move onto a more fun news story....
Newsweek did an article about called the "TOP TEN DYING CITIES". And the winners are....
10. Grand Rapids, Michigan
9. Flint, Michigan
8. South Bend, Indiana
7. Detroit, Michigan
6. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
5. Cleveland, Ohio
4. Rochester, New York
3. Hialeah, Florida
2. Vallejo, California
1. New Orleans, Louisiana
This is where this turns into a fun story for the week. Grand Rapids, Michigan doesn't particularly agree that their city is dying and they are doing something about it.
WAY TO GO, GRAND RAPIDS....AWESOME VIDEO....
I know this video is long but you have to see the part with the emergency vehicles and the helicopter. How cool are the folks in Grand Rapids?? Very!
So Newsweek you might want to rethink your picks. Looks like Grand Rapids is alive and well.
One last story that has come out of this weeks news.
A United Flight headed for Ghana had taken off from Washington DC with 144 passengers on board, had to circle for 25 minutes then re-land the plane. Why, you ask? The reason is that two men got into a fist fight over one of them reclining their seat causing the other man to have his knees bumped. The "cramped" guy smacked the "reclining" guy across the head. AND A FIGHT ENSUED... The plane being too heavy to land with a full tank of fuel had to circle the airport for 25 minutes to lessen the fuel weight before trying to bring down the plane safely. As the crew tried to subdue the two idiots fighting, two fighter jets were dispatched out of Andrews Airforce Base to escort the passenger plane back to the runway, on the outside chance there was any link to terrorism.
WOW...such a fiasco because two guys are jerks.
The Good for the Week.... Community spirit...I love that a city would come up with a unified effort to refute a negative article.
The Bad for the Week....Obviously, not having enough leg room is worth fighting for.
The Weird for the Week ...There is a One Eyed Pirate wanted in Colorado...yes, I said a pirate. A pirate knocked over a Walgreen's pharmacy last weekend. Police are looking for this guy after he robbed the Colorado Springs, CO pharmacy of prescription drugs.
So be wary maties...if you see this guy...ARRGGGHH
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32 comments:
I could not take the whole wiener-gate because everyone kept saying wiener. His interviews have been nutty! Saying lots but saying nothing. Well, until now when he is suddenly deciding it is a huge..err...elaborate conspiracy against him to make fun of his name. Idiot!
When I found out that my flight would be delayed for a day because of these idiots I would be taking them out myself.
Pirate is awesome. Recently there was a granny bank robber here in the South that turned out to be a man.
I am soooooooo over weiner...the man...not the dog, the food, or the husband.
I have never in my life heard a dumber comment than the "I can't say with certitude that it's not me." Seriously? Because this ONLY illicits the need for the general public and the stalker media to start doing the happy dance of a 3 yr old to be the first to ask the inescapable follow up questions.
And yes...if I hear the word certitude ONE ---- MORE ---- TIME I just might manually rip my eardrums out using only toothpicks and ice cubes. Crap!
I really, REALLY hate politicians! All of them!
The one thing that might be dumber is when he called Ted Barrett a jackass because he was "hectoring" him. Really, hectoring???
How do these guys get elected??? I can't say for certitude but maybe someone hectored the voters at the polls. How are your eardrums doing jewell???
That's it on the dot. He keeps talking but saying nothing!! One wouldn't need a conspiracy to to make fun of him, he is doing such a good job on his own. I saw that granny thing in the paper then some copycat in KC tried the same thing and got caught.
What you on about you daft git? You write beautifully intelligent prose ... and you make me laugh! I loved that story about Weiner - it hasn't broken in the UK, so I was totally new to it. Marvellous! His response was totally shit.
I did read about the fighter jets escorting the liner in, and I was like you - WTF?
Great post chick!
You are always so kind, my friend. Obviously, the Brits aren't channeling the mind of adolescents and looking for every opportunity to talk about some politician's wiener. Classy bunch you are.
Going back to Weiner's weiner, I happen to thing with certitude that he's handling it...yes his weiner, often. Just a gut feeling. :)
I think your gut is on to something. Isn't this the craziest thing...er...I mean story ever. I can say with some certitude that we will be talking about this dick...I mean Anthony...not his wiener. (which technically is also a dick) I'm going to hell, aren't I?
How do they get elected? Apparently not because they passed English class.
My eardrums? The process of toothpicks and ice is taking longer than expected. I'll have to ride around on the mower all day tomorrow with ear muffs to avoid infections. Once I'm finished with the mowing I'll resume the process. I figure by the time Monday rolls around I'll be done and won't have to hear the word certitude ever again!
I shouldn't be laughing with all the eardrum pain you are going thru, (but I am) You might not hear that particular word but the way his big yap is runnin' there will be more Weinerisms, I am sure.
Have a great weekend.
I got tired of Weiners weiner and started The Dorks dork...and how sad I was born in Vallejo California :-(
BTW I loved your piece on Weiners weiner.
Aloha!
Hi kiddo. Just wanted to pop in a say hi.
Hi Don E. I think being born in Calf. is probably a step up from being born in Chicago. Both have an interesting cast of characters that have hailed from there. Thanks for stopping by...talk to you soon.
Hi Michele, I just got back from visiting your site. This is me giving you a hug (((((Michele)))))
Cheryl, I just spent the last half and hour entertaining myself with your blog. Too funny! I've been out of town for a while and just had to catch up. I might need some help on figuring out how to "grab" my award...Thanks!!
I am glad your back. I missed you and was beginning to worry. I left a message over on your blog about how to retrieve your award. Congrats again. How cool it will be when you become famous and we can all say we blogged with her before she became rich and famous.
You are so spot on! Frankly, I could give a hoot about what anyone tweets, but why can't they just use simple English when asked a simple question? Is it really that hard?
The only thing I can imagine is that he wanted to keep the cameras rolling so he continued to spew such drivel. I guess the criteria for being elected is the ability to stand in front of a camera for 15 minutes, look like an idiot and say absolutely nothing. And why the media spends 2 seconds on this is yet another question. Thanks so much for giving it the slant it really needed. Great post.
And I also love the airline issue. The airlines today have done everything possible to make air travel bearably tolerable. Having reclining seats with the seats so close together is just ridiculous. While I would not haul off and hit someone, I certainly can appreciate the frustration of the fellow with the laptop. You really cannot use them on a plane any more. I got a great laugh!
Thank you so much Bob S. for stopping by and even more importantly for finding it funny. I do find the whole tweeting thing strange. In just a couple of years Twitter has managed to destroy both writing and spelling skills. Yeh, and planes = frustration.
Cheryl- that is a fabulous post! Highly snortworthy!
Love the video at the end, too.
My husband is born and bread New Jersey, and though we live in New England, he still picks up the Daily News and the New York Post every day. The do the best headlines... From the Daily News cover: “Weiner’s Pickle.” From the Post: "Weiner Exposed" !!! How can we not have fun with this! ;)
Now those are headlines that really measure up to your (hilarious) snortworthy level. **snort, snort**. I agree, as a nation how many chances do we have to act prepubecant and get away with it. Thank God, it wasn't one of the Bush clan showing things.
I saw his interview LIVE and I seriously LAUGHED when he used the word "certitude". What an idiot.
What the hell is it about men that they feel compelled to take photos of their junk? Testosterone truly is the stupid drug.
Love that video. I watched the whole thing. What a production!
See, I read stories like that about air travel and it confirms my greatest fears -- not crashing, not even being onboard with a terrorist, but being locked up like a sardine with assholes like that.
Lots of fun stuff here!
Hey... I'm from Rochester,but I still feel pretty healthy. Perhaps I should hurry up and put riding in the weinermobile on my bucket list, though. Just to be sure.
Hi Boom Boom Larew, First of all, love your name. I wouldn't be too concerned with Newsweeks predictions as they have mentioned Kansas City more than once and it seems to still be alive. (although, I might of just heard a cough and a wheeze). I do think a ride in the Wienermobile would be fun though.
Hi Meleah, I was still laughing over certitude when he went on to say Ted Barrett was hectoring him. Really certitude AND hectoring???
Jayne, if I had a prize to send you I would. You are the only one that has mentioned the video. Wasn't that neat to see a town unified enough to put together a rebuttal like that. Very fun.
That is a good point about less concerned about the crash than whos on board.
I know! WHO SAYS THAT!?
And, BTW - he's admitted to doing it!!
What an idiot!!! Did you hear his speech today? According to him his wife still loves him...funny she wasn't there to say "oh baby, you know I do"
I avoided watching it because I was afraid of the C word and considering I am still working on digging out my ear drums I figured that was the safe route. However, the quote I saw that he and his wife weren't going to "break up over this". I looked at hubby and said I wonder if he talked to her about that first before he spewed that in the media. =)
Bet not! That was the first she heard of it. I considered starting a pool to guess the date of the breakup but that is probably tacky, huh? And you know how classy I am???
I can't even stand it!
Count me in...if you are tacky, then I'm right there with ya. We'll just consider ourselves to sides of the same fly strip! =) HA!
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