Here's To A New Beginning

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No, you aren't THAT drunk!  I realize this says "two thoughts for Tuesday and that it is still Monday.  I just wanted to be proactive in wishing you a HAPPY NEW YEAR and just couldn't wait. 

So...here are my two thoughts for tomorrow.

Thought Number One: The New Year's Promise

For the last several days I have been reading a number of blogs about how people view the start of a new year.   Some of the writers are eager for 2013, some are  apprehensive, some are optimistic, and some are apathetic. Two really good posts on the subject,  came from Susan over at Life, Laughter, Paris and Meleah over at Momma Mia Mea Culpa. (I'll wait while you click over to read those.)

What I loved about both of these posts is the fact that these two ladies had  a really crappy 2012...oh wait ...that's not what I loved... I loved that they had  a bad year and both sound optimistic that next year will be better.

That's how I feel every New Years Day. I feel optimistic. (my wallowing in skepticism and cynicism is relegated to the other 364 days of the year)  It doesn't always work out that my optimism is well-founded but ...still... on New Years Day there is the promise of good things to come.   Unlike Susan, I wasn't mugged on a subway, nor was I battling huge health issues as Meleah has been,  so there may be less to "move on" from for me.  I realize some things are harder to gain leverage against and put behind one.

BUT...While we may not be able to control famines, floods, and reality TV,  we can hope for a year of  fresh starts, forgiveness and second chances. We can hope that our fellow humans  use more wisdom  and less stupidity.  Even though, fear and worry seem to be intent on  snapping at our heels, we can try to stay focused on the positive things in our lives. Yes.... the things like the people we love and the people that love us back.  We can try to remember every day that  love in all its forms,  really makes the world a beautiful place.  

Crazy Didn't Take a Holiday Break

I hope you understand that the "crazy" in today's title is NOT referring to ME but to the subjects in the odd stories I am talking about today.  Not entirely convinced are you??

Did you think I forgot to do my Friday roundup of ODD news?  No such luck.  I am in Chicago while Hubby is working today.  The people in charge of the weather here, didn't get my memo that I only wanted snow for Christmas morning.  I definitely didn't want to be driving around Chicago in the snow.  Have I ever mentioned that I think the drivers here are...oh maybe I better not go "there".  As this is the city of my birth, I have to be careful how I disparage anyone related to Chicago. 

As for some of the odd news this week, let's just start with a local story out of Oak Park. 

Every Party Has a Pooper


It seems that the party-pooper in this story is an FBI agent.

An Illinois man who admitted planning a bank robbery to fund his going-to-jail party for a drug conviction was sentenced to 19 months of prison time.

Mickey Loniello was already facing a lengthy sentence for drug offenses committed in 2007. To throw one last, fun bash prior to his trip to prison, he and two co-conspirators made plans to steal a getaway car and rob a Chase Bank branch in Oak Park, IL.  However, one of his co-conspirators was an undercover FBI agent wearing a wire. (seems you have to be careful about who you hang out with if you are planning a bank robbery.)

After receiving the 19 month sentence last Thursday, Mickey said he wasn't in his right frame of mind at the time he was planning the bank robbery because of his heroine addition.  The judge responded saying "that the fight against drugs is difficult but can be done."

Seems that being confined to a jail cell would make getting off of heroine somewhat easier.  BTW...he was sentenced on Thursday for crimes committed in 2007.  The wheels of justice move rather slowly, don't they?

Now You See Us...Now You Don't

Police in Sweden are looking for 69 missing cows that vanished from a farm the very day they were to be slaughtered. 

Farmer Claes Roempke of Stjamhov, said he is baffled by their disappearance. The cows are valued at $107,600.

The farmer was quoted as saying "I  have no idea where they have been taken. I hope they are alive and OK."  (Seriously....he is worried about their welfare???)

The police are investigating the missing cows. They have ID numbers on all the bovine and think that it isn't likely that the animals will be taken to a slaughterhouse.

I think we are dealing with really smart cows here that made a break-for-it. 

Things Not to Say to a Policeman

A woman who said she was delivering a Christmas tree to a friend was stopped after she was spotted by a deputy driving on the wrong side of the road. She was driving south on U.S. 1 in the northbound lanes....at 12:45 AM...with no headlights on.

It would appear that Debra McSween didn't want to be stopped. She told the officer that she had been drinking, doesn't drive well at night, wasn't familiar with the car, didn't know the area well, had taken a hydrocodone for her back, oh and that he could "eat sh**". 

She went on to threaten him and make some other less than-classy remarks.

Debra was arrested for DUI, crimes against persons, harming a public servant, resisting an officer, and obstruction. 

Bet her friend didn't get the Christmas tree delivered.


The Curse of Being Irresistible

Doesn't he look totally innocent???

The all male Supreme Court of Iowa ruled that Melissa Nelson's termination wasn't sexual discrimination because it wasn't based on gender.  Rather she was fired for  her boss and his wife feeling she was a threat to their marriage.  (for anyone wanting to place a bet, I bet that the firing was 99.99 percent the wife's idea, and  .01 percent the boss')

Ms Nelson worked as a dental assistant for James Knight for more than 10 years. She contends that she only wore scrubs (nothing sexy) and was not flirtatious. She didn't feel her termination was fair as she did nothing wrong.  She is happily married with children and was in no way attracted to her boss.

Dr. Knight's lawyer said that the doctor agonized over terminating her as she was the best assistant he ever had. 

During testinmony, Dr. Knight said having her there was like having a Lamborghini in the garage and never being able to drive it. 

I think Ms. Nelson got lucky to get out of working for this guy. OINK OINK

After Holiday Sales

After all the countdowns, markdowns, and breakdowns, Christmas is behind us for a year.  You would think that shopping would be the last thing anyone would want to do at this point.  WRONG!   According to the people that track this sort of statistic, they tell us that the day after Christmas nearly rivals Black Friday.  So why doesn't this day have a name in the U.S.??   Perhaps we need to think of something more original that "the day after Christmas".  


I am VERY much in favor of adding another holiday to the celebratory list as surely, there could never be too many holidays.  I am thinking the day after Christmas should be a REAL holiday. I would suggest this should be a "paid day" off,  but of course, this couldn't include anyone  employed in retail sales.  Just add this "no holiday for you" to the list of reasons your job sucks.

 I guess we could follow the lead of our friends in the UK (and others)  and call it Boxing Day.  Unfortunately, the word "boxing" seems to confuse Americans.  Historically, this was the day that people gave gifts to servants and tradesmen but has morphed into another shopping day for the masses.  We probably, need to come up with something original for Americans to convey the day's sole and true purpose....picking at the bones of the cheapest of the cheap sales merchandise. It would appear that anything will sell if it becomes cheap enough.

My regular readers might remember that I HATE SHOPPING!  There is never an instance I enjoy shopping. I force myself to go into stores as I need things and even that is after I have looked to make sure it is not available to be ordered online.  So I usually am not enticed by these types of ads.

open early to get the last "best" deal

Only 60 percent?? Surely 75% is in order after Christmas.

Merry Christmas....


                                                         Happy Holidays......


From Our Family to Yours
 

Music Helps Put the Merry Into the Season

Here we are.... just two days away from Christmas.  While there are a lot of things I enjoy about the holiday season, one of my VERY favorite things is Christmas music.  LOVE IT!

I might be not within the normal range on this.  (Normal is a subjective word in most instances with me.) Here in Kansas City, there used to be 9 radio stations that played around-the-clock Holiday music.  Now there is ONE.  One lonely little station that plays Christmas music.

I, however, am not to be deterred. I have an embarrassingly large collection of Christmas CDs.   They have been playing pretty much non-stop since my "can't start being Christmasy until December" rule kicked in.

SOOOO on the outside chance you haven't had quite enough  Christmas music, I have posted a few to help bring you  up to your "ENOUGH ALREADY!!" level.  The first video is  of  one of the Christmas songs from  the Straight No Chaser Christmas Cheer album.  I think it is a really fun song that incorporates the joy of the season.


A FUN ONE

A NEW ONE


I think this one is pretty.  Lindsey was one of the contestants on the X Factor in 2010. She released this video this year.





Flash Mob for Christmas??? Perhaps you have seen this as it has gone viral on the Internet but it does contain a  lot of the more traditional music. At over 5 minutes long, it still is a very heart warming mix of holiday music.


AN IMPROMPTU ONE

It's a Swing and a Miss..I Hope

I hesitate to start yelling "SAFE" as the day isn't over but as I have said in my previous post, I am pretty secure in my belief that we will still be here tomorrow.

So what oddities have happened this week?   Let's recap some of the more creative thinkers among us.


Foul Ball


The Chicago Sun-Times reports that   Christine A. Meyers picked up her boyfriend from a bar on Friday.  However, on the way to their home in Tinley Park, the two got into a heated argument.  This is where the story took an odd turn.  The boyfriend got out of the car and laid down in front of it. (Should we ask the question...was alcohol involved in this choice?)

As you might imagine, this wasn't a wise move on his part.  Christine put the car in drive and purposely ran over him.  The boyfriend suffered severe burns to his chest and back and had the skin torn off his testicles.

The boyfriend was taken to the hospital and Christine was taken to jail.  Her lawyer tried to have her released on a $6000 bond but the judge responded "ARE YOU SERIOUS?'

The judge set bail at $100,000 for aggravated domestic battery. 

OK..was it just me?  At anytime during that story, did any of you say  "That took balls?"


Three Strikes and You're Out

An unknown man attempted to carjack three separate cars in a Target parking lot in Oceanside, CA on Thursday.

According to the police a man approached a woman getting out of her car around 2:50 PM.  He showed her what she believed to be a knife ordering her back into her vehicle. She got back into her car and drove away.  (Strike One)

The the man immediately approached another woman that was exiting her car.  This time he brandished a handgun and told her to get back into her car.  The victim ignored the man and ran into the store to report the incident. (Strike Two)

Then the man approached a third car.  He attempted to steal the car at gunpoint. He asked the car's owner to remove the club device on the steering wheel and leave the keys in the car.  The victim did exactly what she was told. HOWEVER, when she walked away she activated a kill switch that killed the engine and locked him in the car.  (Strike Three)

Unfortunately, he smashed out the window and escaped the scene. He remains at large.

He is a better escape artist than he is a carjacker.


Stealing a Base and Heading Home

Two bank robbers who broke out of a high-rise jail in Chicago hailed a cab for their getaway car.  The two men escaped from the Metropolitan Correction Centre in downtown Chicago early on Tuesday morning.

The pair broke out a window in the cell they shared, squeezed through a 6 inch opening (great reason to remain slim)  and lowered themselves 20 stories.  (Seriously..??)  The escape was noticed the following morning when employees noticed approximately 200 ft. of knotted bedsheets hanging down the side of the building.

The two men, Joseph Jose Banks and Kenneth Conley are being sought by the FBI, U.S. Marshalls Service, and the Chicago Police Department.

Update: After an extensive manhunt in the communities of New Lennox and Tinley Park, Banks was captured.  An ongoing investigation is continuing to figure out how the two inmates got over 200 feet of sheets and dental floss used to make their rope. Conley remains at large.

Seems as if Tinley Park has had a busy week.  Bank Robbers and Mad Girlfriends.  It is curious about all the sheets.  Are extra clean sheets one of the perks of jail?

Yesterday Bad, Tomorrow Worse

 For all my regular readers, you might of noticed a rogue email from me yesterday.  My email account got hacked.  I have reset everything so you shouldn't be bothered again with unwanted spam from me.

This is the type of thing that makes me crazy!!!!


But, hey maybe tomorrow is going to be worse..according to the Mayans any way....


Call me an optimist!  Or maybe call me a skeptic...or a pessimist with an occasional bout of optimism...

Whatever you want to call me.....


Five Possible Reasons The World Won't End on December 21st.

Where's the Snow?

Thought Number One: I am a member of   "SNOW FOR CHRISTMAS TEAM"



All of you out there that keep saying you hate the cold and would be happy never to see snow again...we can still  be  friends but secretly I will think you are slightly unhinged.  Who doesn't want a little snow in their life? Oh...that would be you, you say.  HMMMM  Let's agree to disagree.




Don't misunderstand...I don't want a blizzard or anything but it would be thrilling to wake up to a soft, white, beautiful, first snow of the season on Christmas morning.

Snow on Christmas Day.....Probably ...NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN but...still...I hope for it.

Some of you that have been reading my blog for awhile know that  I have lived in 39 different towns between my childhood and my adult life. Those have been fairly well split into places that had snow and places that NEVER had snow.  I always missed the  "hope and promise of snow" in those places where short of hell freezing over were geographically incapable of having even a sprinkling of white.  In all the years, we lived in Dallas, or Phoenix, I just never felt 100 percent Christmasy when it was 72 degrees or some un-winter like temp.

When I lived in Flagstaff, AZ or Grand Island, NE there was always a strong likelihood of seeing the lawn (or the garage) covered with snow on Christmas morning.  Remember the picture I posted of the geese in our back yard in Grand Island.  You might not of noticed but there is SNOW.

This is a sprinkling of snow by Nebraska standards.  It's a whole bunch of geese
by anyone's standards.

Some places such as the town of Kankakee, Illinois where I spent a lot of my "waiting for Santa" years, it was hit and miss as far as White Christmases go.  For whatever reason, back then, in the mid-1950's it was usually cold and snowy by December.  That doesn't seem to be the case anymore.

The following picture was taken on Court Street in Kankakee during the holiday shopping season. It appeared in Time and Life magazine in January 1951.   This was actually before I was born (but not by much) but you can see remnants of snow.  I love this picture because the street continued to look exactly like this for all the Christmases of my childhood with the exception of the cars model years.

Thought Number Two: Taking Matters Into Our Own Hands
So here I am in Kansas City.  This is one of the hit and miss states as far as snow in December goes.  I suspect the way this year is unseasonably warm this is the only way to have snow on Christmas.

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Did Someone say Challenge???

To my regular readers...I might confuse you today. Come to think of it, I confuse you most of the time, I suppose.


 I normally don't launch a  post on Monday but I have included myself in a writing challenge.  Why??? I haven't the foggiest notion. I was reading a story over at A Beer for The Shower  about  about a fictional character, Slim Dyson.  So anyway, about this challenge...Bryan and Brandon over there are releasing a novel today ....YES... a new novel...aptly named The Sensationally Absurd Life and Times of Slim Dyson

Let me catch you up by giving you a synopsis of the story thus far and what this challenge entails. 
(BTW..if you don't already read A Beer for the Shower, the cartoon work is amazing. They draw it freehand in Microsoft Paint.  That is WWWAAAYYY harder than you might think.   Let's just say I am impressed.)

Slim Dyson is a homeless man that had his journal stolen.  Someone put it on the Internet, it went viral and is set to become a movie.  Slim became a millionaire overnight but remains living his life as a homeless person in Denver.

Anyway...Brandon and Bryan came up with a challenge. The challenge is to throw Slim a party for $10.00 or less and write a post about it from the point of view of being among the homeless.  They had the audacity to have a whole list of rules that I may or may not of followed.  I also, stole some of their cartoons and took liberties with them.  Copyright infringement'....didn't see that one on their list of rules.




Tis the Season to Party

 "Stringbean Johnson...I have been looking all over for you.  What are you doing sleeping in the park?",  she gasped trying to catch her breath.

 Annabelle "Little Sis" Larquette, gave the impression that she had run all the way from the 16th Street Mall where Stringbean  had been camping  out for the last couple of nights. Little Sis is small and boyish looking in her oversized coat and a hat that could have been sitting in the prop room for  the movie Deliverance.  This morning, however, Stringbean  is  laying  cocooned in a  sleeping bag on a bench in City Park. There is a slight movement as he raises his head to see Annabelle approaching.  "What's up, Lil' Sis? Is anything wrong?

Shouldn't They Be Out Shopping?

I would think that there would be no weird news this week because everyone should be otherwise occupied getting ready for the holidays.  I guess there is still time to get in a bad decision or two.

Over Her Dead Body

 A Nebraska man has been accused of impersonating a funeral director. (who knew that this was such a problem that there are actual laws against it?)

Terry Kruthals went to a mortuary about two weeks ago pretending to be a mortician. He told the an employee of Wadlow Rozanke Funeral Home in Lincoln, NE,  that he was a representative of the family of one of the deceased in their care.

The body of an ex-girlfriend was at the funeral home and Terry was trying to retrieve an engagement ring he had given her with an estimated current value of around $500.00. However, when the funeral director asked Terry a few work related questions, he appeared nervous which prompted the police to be called.

Kurtzhals was arrested for impersonating a funeral director but upon further investigation several additional charges were added. 

I think this poor dead girl is the unluckiest person I have ever read about.  It's bad enough...dying and all.... but she was engaged to a shmuck.  He gave her a  $500.00  engagement ring set AND then wanted to swipe the engagement ring off her poor dead finger.  Also, it must be noted, if you feel the need to pretend to be a mortician, there might be a quiz.


Last One Standing Gets the Beer

Vanessa Robinson was charged with aggravated assault after she allegedly cut her boyfriend numerous times because he was trying to leave her apartment with the last beer..a Colt 45 to be specific.

The altercation happened in Hempfield Township, PA.  The boyfriend, James Gallone, had purchased the beer and when it was time to leave, assumed it was his.  He assumed wrong.

According to the Pennsylvania State Police, when Vanessa realized that James was taking the last beer, she started kicking and pushing before grabbing a knife. James was unable to disarm her and ended up in the hospital with non-life threatening injuries.  Vanessa ended up in jail.

Call me a skeptic but this relationship might be doomed.  If they stay together, James better share the beer and hide the knives.


Very Expensive Breast Augmentation

Police in Spain arrested at the Barcelona airport was hiding more than 3 pounds of cocaine in her breast implants.

Perhaps she had a tattoo that triggered their suspicions

The woman arriving from Columbia was detained after security noticed two recent surgical scars under her breasts. The woman was taken to the hospital where it was discovered that there was cocaine in her implants. Some had seeped into her blood stream.

After reading several articles in my quest to find out what tipped authorities off, ABC news said that security noticed white patches under her fresh surgical wounds.  Huh?  While I am still not entirely clear why they would be checking out her breasts, it must be noted that being tidy is always a good thing. 


May Your Christmas Be Merry and Bright...No... Nix the Bright

A Wichita, Kansas man got a ticket on Tuesday.David Hill decked out his pickup for the holidays.  HO HO, OH NO...He got stopped and ticketed.

David had decked out his truck to bring attention to his charity, One Spark. The charity provides holiday joy to the less fortunate around Wichita by providing food, coats and toys for the needy.

So when he covered his pickup truck with lights a couple of weeks ago, he thought it would bring some cheer to people.

Surprise, Surprise!  David got stopped and given a $274.00 ticket.  According to Police lieutenant Joe Schroeder, it's an issue of safety.  He believes that people will be distracted by the colorful truck and accidents will follow.

856 lights and one ticket later

I think the Wichita Police department just made Santa's naughty list.

New Twist on an Old Joke

  Today, I am doing my two thoughts a bit differently.  I am breaking down an old standard Christmas song and infusing it with how someone might handle it today.  Be forewarned that my more modern version is that of a tech savvy girl that is at her wits end with an over zealous beau.

 So today...I have two thoughts.

Thought Number One: The original song " The 12 Days of Christmas".

Thought Number Two: How would the lyrics stand up to today's culture.

 A couple of quick notes:  For those of you that are a bit sensitive to "course" language....my apologies in advance.  I am making fun here of  how the poem could go bad in the age of texting...this is a joke after all.

Also, If you have trouble reading any of the  phones, click on them to enlarge them.



 On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me a partridge in a pear tree.

On the 2nd day of Christmas my true love gave to me, two Turtle Doves and a partridge in a pear tree.

On the 3rd day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 3 French Hens, two Turtle Doves, and a partridge in a pear tree.

There's An Award For That

Crabby Pants and I were talking about all the odd things that make up the news each week.  Some of it is just hardly worth the effort it took for the reporter to send the story in.  Still there are some  bizarre enough you have to wonder the "who, why, and whats" of it the story.   So this week we have decided to put on our "red carpet" duds and have an awards show for the BEST of the WORST behavior of the week.

I have a feeling, it is just a matter of time, before crazy people everywhere will be vying for this prestigious award.

Do They NOT Know Me?

Thought Number One: The Other Season that is less HO HO HO and more BANG BANG BANG


It has come to my attention for the umpteenth time that my family members, have not been paying attention to anything I have ever said or done. Why would I think this, you ask? I happened to call my brother a few days ago and he was super excited about the fact that deer hunting season had started. Well...to be perfectly accurate, hunting with a bow has started. The "hunting with a gun" season is yet to start. Poor baby, has another 12 days to wait before he can use bullets. Anyway...as I was saying....I called to see if I could stop by and drop off a  "no particular reason other than you are my only sibling" present for him but NOOOOO....DID I FAIL TO MENTION...IT'S BOW HUNTING/KILLING SEASON????

  It's not exactly (although pretty darn close) that I am anti-hunting. It's more that I am anti-hearing-about-hunting. If anyone had noticed...I am the same person that scoops up spiders and takes them outside. Didn't you all read Charlotte's Web? (NOTE: If they are horribly big with black-widow markings, I make exceptions to my "no kill" policy). For the most part though, I try not to kill living things. Oh, I hear all you hunters out there starting to ramble about over-population, and good forestry practices. Let's all lament about how those hungry deer are eating up the trees and need to be curtailed.  Shush! Just Shush! All of that may be true but when you decide to go after them...please...please...DON'T GIVE ME ANY OF THE DETAILS.

I have my fingers in my ears!!!! Lalalalalalalalla  Lalalalalalalalal

Who is Naughty?

You might of missed any and all news programming this week with all the fervor over the big lottery win.  Because one of the winners happens to be in the Kansas City area, we have an over-abundance of coverage complete with interviews from everyone that has ever had a connection to the winners.  I think it is a lovely thing for people to have fortuitous events come into their lives but at some point it takes on the feel of the golden ticket scenes in the movie Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

But let us move on to the stories that might of been overlooked this week.

Public Service Announcement..It's time to dig out your ugly Christmas sweater.

On the subject of  "whose naughty or nice", there seems to be a few people (other than Crabby Pants) that are currently on the naughty list.

Deck the Malls

Dear Readers, I am still breaking my posts up a bit with a page break in an effort for the emails to send out more efficiently to my readers. Be sure to hit the "READ MORE" for the rest of the story! For my email subscribers, please email me if you are still having problems receiving new posts.

Here in Kansas City, the holiday season kicks off on Thanksgiving evening with the lighting ceremony at Country Club Plaza.

There is just something magical about Christmas lights.

Thought Number One:
Over the past few years, it seems that a new holiday topic is making the headlines. 

The avalanche of sales and deals, 
the "never-been-cheaper",  the "must-haves",  and steals. 
Yikes....now thousands of lights are losing their luster, 
as our attention is fixated on which stores have "Door Busters". 

I, personally, didn't go shopping on Black Friday this year.  I'm becoming more and more annoyed by the sport of "extreme shopping.  Is is just me or are others thinking this craziness is...well...crazy?

A Bit Off

 Just a reminder...I have a new format in an effort for my posts to email properly to my readers.  Click on the "read more"  at the end of the first paragraph to see the entire post. Also, in some cases, if you are having problems reading the callout bubbles, you can click on the picture to enlarge it.

Is anyone out there???? With it being Black Friday, perhaps you are all shopping for "once in a lifetime" bargains..... Me? .... I am not setting one pinkie out of the house until I am sure the crowds have subsided.

My husband teasingly said early this morning that perhaps the shelves will be bare before I get started on my shopping.  Call me a risk-taker.

While the hoards are all shopping, I will bring you up to speed on a few of the stories that are a bit "off".

Happy Thanksgiving

From our house to yours...
                     have a wonderful day!!!!!

Getting on the Christmas Bus

Note:  Dear Readers, 

In my on going effort to confuse everyone,  I have changed the format of my posts.  At the end of the first couple of paragraphs,  you will see the words "read more".  Click on the "read more" to open up the rest of the post.  This change was made in an effort to ensure the emailing of  my blog to my subscribers.  



When does the Christmas season start?   When I was a little girl it started on December 13th.  Nothing Christmasy  (OK...you spelling purists...I know that isn't a word...get over it)  started prior to the "12 days of Christmas". Today it would seem, that the Christmas season officially kicks off at the Hobby Lobby in August. Christmas is well represented in September in all the big box stores.   Lest we forget,  Christmas and commercialism go hand and hand, these days....so on the outside chance you aren't aware of it...THERE'S ONLY 44 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Why am I bringing up the subject of  "when does the Christmas season really start" you ask?  (If you aren't asking...too bad...I am going to tell you anyway.)

Organizing the Crazy

Perhaps, I should blame the confusion on my part as being a result of inattentiveness...or preoccupation..but it seems that there is some element of  "what the what" with this week's stories.
Crabby Pants believes that a little organiztion is required over here at TAOBC.  Call my a cynic but I doubt her organization skills will make these stories any more credible.  Let's just say, I don't want to upset Crabby Pants any more than necessary.

She is here to explain her new organizational tool for sorting out our Friday post.  The news stories are now divided into three distinct categories...well..at least as far as Crabby Pants is concerned.  I am not entirely convinced that these three categories will cover all the stupid and weird news we find.  Still she has labeled three file folders with little tabs.

First File:  Hell YES!

I sense a bad attitude here

Last Friday I talked about Shena Hardin, the Cleveland woman that drove on the sidewalk every morning to avoid stopping for the school bus.  She was sentenced to stand on the corner holding a sign. 

I am a bit conflicted how this story should be filed.  We (me and my crabby alter-ego, Crabby Pants) are super happy that the idiot...her words not mine.. got a ticket for her rock star move of driving on the sidewalk rather than stopping for the school bus BUT we are tempted to throw it in the "Hell No" file because she doesn't appear terribly remorseful.



Second File: Hell NO!


A Cincinnati judge must have been disappointed with the response she received when trying to work our a deal with Damaine Mitchell. Mitchell was in court Wednesday charged with trafficking marijuana.

Judge Melba Marsh stressed that she was willing to work with Mitchell by offering him a treatment program in lieu of going to jail.  She, offered that his record would be expunged as well, if he completed the program and gave up smoking pot.

Mitchell responded, "That's going to be hard for me to do, to be honest with you. I like smoking weed.  (well...you have to admire his honesty)  After further discussion with the judge about the requirements of his quitting, Mitchell made an unusual request...if she would allow him time to smoke one a joint before being returned to jail.

Judge Marsh, said that she had never been asked for marijuana in her court before.  She hasn't determined how she will handle his case.  Mitchell is due back in court on Monday.

Asking the judge...while she is considering your fate...for weed, might not be be a tactical maneuver. While it may not aide Mitchell as far as his sentencing goes,  it probably provided the judge with a fun story about her work day. 


Third File: What the Hell Were They Thinking

A Bangkok man was admitted to hospital after injecting his penis with unlicensed olive oil (olive oil needs a license in Thailand ???) The purpose of the injections were to enlarge his penis but as a result he had developed an infection causing his testicles to swell to the size of grapefruits.

To be fair, the article did point out that there was some that doubted the infection was caused by the injections. But olive oil penis injections have been problematic in other men. In 1995 a death was blamed on the procedure. (What? This is a trend or something?)

Notice that I didn't get carried away with pictures on this one.  Count on me to be super classy with my stories.  Seems there is a great debate on the procedure of shooting up olive oil...well at least into your penis.  Here's a thought...don't. 

Blogs and Bunnies

Thought Number One: Updating Aesop

Remember when you were little, all the stories that you read or  that were read to you that had a "moral" message.

Some of those might have been written by Aesop. Do any of you remember Aesop Fables?

Aesop was a slave and a story teller that lived in Greece between 620 and 560 BC.  He is credited with writing hundreds of stories for the purpose of teaching moral lessons.  Exactly how many stories he wrote is unclear but some sources cite 337.

Apollonius, a 1st century philosopher, said of Aesop:

"...like those that dine well off the plainest dishes, he made use of humble incidents to teach great truths, and after serving up a story he adds to it the advice to do a thing or not to do it.  Then, too, he was really more attached to the truth than the poets are; for the latter do violence to their own stories in order to make them probable; but he by announcing a story which everyone knows not to be true, told the truth by the very fact that he did not claim to be relating real events."

That little semi-colon infused bit of wisdom was taken out of Life of Apollonius of Tyara Book V:14 As fun as reading about Apollonius' life might be, I can only hope that means Verse 14 and not Volume 14.

While the story I am focusing on for today's post is the Tortoise and the Hare, you might remember others as well.  The Lion and the Mouse, City Mouse County Mouse, The Grasshopper and the Ant...pretty much name any two animals and there is a story on the list.  I am very curious how Aesop could work in all this writing while doing his day job...being a slave and all. 

Anyway...as I was saying... For over 2000 years we have been telling and retelling stories for the sole purpose of teaching values. 

BUT...for all the versions and creative change-ups, it is apparent that the message no longer applies as it was originally written.  

It would seem by today's standards that winning is everything and there are no "morals" built into the story.

Revisions to The Tortoise and the Hare

Right out of the box, we would have to change the name to Bunnies and Turtles. If the story is to be geared for young kids, they are sure to question the word Hare.  Can you blame them? No...I didn't think so.

Secondly, there isn't a prayer we would be writing about some bunny in the vein of telling it  not to take an early lead.  What is wrong with Bunny's coach?   If that rabbit is pooping out, he isn't training hard enough or drinking his 5 Hour Energy Drink, eating the right proportion of carbs to protein, ...and has he not been using his P90X.   Something is terribly wrong with Bunny if he can't keep up the pace to the finish line. Perhaps, there is a performance supplement (wink, wink) that Bunny could get from a "friend".

As for Turtle's coach... When is his contract due and what is it going to cost the organization to replace him?  The only reason a coach would tell a racer to take it slow is if  he has a bet on the outcome.... with his guy losing. Note to coach: You are not seriously telling your guy to take it slow in a race. Clearly you are insane. IT'S A RACE!  


Thought Number Two:  Too Much Bunny, Not Enough Turtle

As I look back and look at the progression of "the lengths people have taken to be #1, I would suggest that everyone on the planet should have a certain amount of Bunny.  There is something to be said for being assertive and determined.  Sure...if you are a racer...by all means...RACE.

BUT, let's not get over zealous and lose track of a pesky little thing like ethics.  Yes, winning is nice but be strategic and smart.  Steady-eddy sure and play by the rules.   Bring out your inner Turtle!


It could be said that I am a Bunny.

No, I don't have the required attributes to be that sort of  Bunny but I am the sort of Bunny that believes in "getting things done". If I were in a race with a Turtle, I would of shot out of the gate and I would have judged him harshly as being a slacker.

Ya Snooze Ya Lose!

The Early Bird Catches the Worm

He who hesitates is lost.

click to enlarge

Ultimately having too much Bunny and no Turtle leads to a really sad ending.

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Are You Confused? I Am!

Dear Readers:

Just a quick note to you about your email subscriptions.  As of late, my email subscribers have not been receiving my new posts.  I take this very seriously as most of you have been loyal readers.  Today, I have reset my email options, in order to try to reset the functionality of this service.  Hopefully, you got an email with a synopsis of the last few posts that might not of made it your way.

Feel free to email me directly, if you continue not to receive my emails and I will try some other changes to see if I can't get my posts to you.

There, also, seems to be a problem with people not being able to leave comments.  If you aren't able to comment on the bottom of my blog....please feel free to email me to let me know and I will continue my efforts to get that corrected.     artofconflicted@aol.com



Still the very conflicted and now very annoyed,

Cheryl P.

Learning from Our Mistakes

Before, I get started today...a little blog glitch has come to light here at The Art of Being Conflicted.  For those of you that subscribe to my blog via email, there seems to be a problem with new posts being sent out. I have been working all week to try to figure out the problem but as of yet..it's still a problem.
I appreciate all my readers and hope until this is corrected soon In the meantime, I hope that you will bookmark me or put me on your favorites to manually check for new posts. I have reset the gadget to launch emails. You might try re-entering your email address, just to see if that helps. OR... Maybe the blog fairy will come and fix it in the middle of the night like she sometimes does. 

Anyway...on to today's topic.

"Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes."   Oscar Wilde


"A man's errors are his portals of discovery."    James Joyce

 Driven to Distraction

You might remember last month the video that was on all the news programs, showing Shena Hardin, driving on the sidewalk to avoid a stopped school bus.  She had been doing this every morning, much to the annoyance of the driver and students. The driver of the bus called the cops to have them waiting and watching in the event she continued to do her little off-street maneuver.  The following morning the bus driver and students were sitting, filming and waiting for the "gotcha" moment.







On Monday of this week, a Cleveland Municipal Judge handed down the consequences of her actions with sentencing her to holding a sign on two consecutive mornings for one hour each day, at an intersection near where she took her "self-directed" detour.

The sign read: Only an idiot drives on a sidewalk to avoid a school bus"

In addition, Hardin's license was suspended for 30 days and she was ordered to pay $250.00 in court costs.


Is is just me, or do you think she got off easy?  I don't know what the appropriate punishment should be but I am still thinking about it.  I am not thinking that the 2 hours of sign holding is opening her discovery portal quite enough to suit me.


Doing a Public Service

Earlier this week, an Indiana man, Edward Kirk III,  was stopped by officials as he ran down the street screaming that he was being chased by dinosaurs. Upon further investigation, the 19 year old told the Greenfield Police that after taking some hits of LSD that the aliens at his apartment along with the dinosaurs were perusing him.  He took the officers back to his apartment to show them the aliens.

Edward was very cooperative as drug dealers go, showing the police his stash of drugs which included over 1000 hits of LSD and  his makeshift lab.

During the time the police spent with Edward, he filled them in on how he makes his money.  He explained that by making LSD he is really "doing the people's work" and that the whole world should trip as it is really great.

Edward was charged with several felonies and misdemeanor drug charges.

I found it interesting that several of the news write ups included the added information that neither aliens nor dinosaurs were found in the apartment.  Good to know!



 Lessons Learned From the Recent Election

Relax...I am not talking about left or right, this party or that...I am talking about the two winners that had the unique qualification of being dead.  Yes,  there were two candidates that have the distinction of having won their races and being deceased.  Florida Democrat Earl K. Wood and Alabama Republican Charles Beasley both won their races by comfortable margins.

Wood died at 96 during his campaign for a 12th term as Orange County Tax Collector in Orlando, FL.
He died of natural causes.

Beasley, 77 died on October 12th, possibly due to an aneurysm, while trying to win a seat on the Bibb County Commission in central Alabama. He won with 52 percent of the vote. His opponent, Walter Sansing, is said to be taking the loss hard.  Mr. Sansing said "It's a touchy situation.  When you are running against a dead man, you are somewhat limited about what you can say."


Ask me! Ask Me! I know what he could of said.  "Don't Vote For the DEAD guy!" While the reason this happened is that people voted straight tickets and didn't pay attention about not voting for the deceased perhaps this might of helped:

Sum of All Wisdom

Quotes...those little ideas written out in the form of a sentence of two that convey a bit of philosophy or wisdom.  Has anyone other than me noticed the PROLIFERATION of quotes. Who knew that great wisdom was so readily available?


Thought Number One:  Words of Wisdom

I was reading an article in the New York Times recently that the Quotes Catagory that was started in July on Pinterest has now garnered more than 10 per cent of Pinterest's total traffic. In the article, it went on to say that all these little inspirational items that we are picking up on the big three: Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest, are the modern day equivalent to philosophizing. It actually has a name: Pop Philosophy.

Cherylocrates stands among the great philosophers

So for today, Cheryocrates is going to send some profound philosophy your way.

Off to a good start, aren't I?    Are you awed and amazed at how profound I can be.



Turns out that Facebook and Cherylocrates make a great team.  Are you feeling  awash with wisdom?

 

Oh, so children's rhyming can be philosophical, huh?

Oopsie...seems some inspiration comes with four letter words. Which brings us to the next great tidbit of
"brain food" to feast upon.

I see that maybe Cherylocrates is spiraling down the drain in the quality of great philosophical thoughts.

Oh, wait, first I have you swearing and now I have you in jail.  This isn't going as well as I thought it would.


Thought Number Two: A Word to the Wise: Don't Quote Me On That

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