Failure is a Bitter Pill

After reading some of the odd news articles this week, it occurs to me that perhaps, some of these poor slobs that found themselves being apprehended must look back with regret.  Sure, it stinks getting caught in the commission of a crime, I suspect. (I don't have first hand knowledge but I am assuming that is the case.) But wouldn't it even be worse  if everyone that read the account of the crime,  thought "What a dumbass!"

So in our effort to help "criminal-want-to-be's" not to appear quite as stupid,  Crabby Pants is offering some remedial criminality classes. Here at TAOBC we are all about promoting the idea  "do things to the best of your ability."  Seriously...if you are going to do something, do it at least well enough that you don't cause people to spurt coffee out of their nose because they are laughing at you.  

 So....Just to clarify....  This class isn't about teaching people to break the laws...this is a class to teach people that are already criminals from further embarrassing themselves with the extremely stupid decisions that lead to having their mug shot appear in the likes of  The Smoking Gun or The Huffington Post.

Let's work together to insure that you are the laughing stock of your cell block. 

So to all you lowly law-breakers out there that  are up for a little self-improvement......Welcome to Remedial Criminality

 Jumping the Gun

After Jimmy Dewayne Whipple of Port Charlotte, Florida called deputies to report a stolen firearm on Tuesday, deputies learned he was a convicted felon and thus prohibited from possessing guns, the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office reported.
 
Arriving deputies also noticed some illegal stuff at Whipple's home, such as a smoking pipe,  a grinder, a container, and four small smoked ‘joints’ on a coffee table.  The grinder's contents tested positive for cannabis. according to the report.

Deputies also reportedly found a pill bottle that contained a drug for which Whipple did not have a prescription.

Whipple was charged with possession of firearms by a convicted felon, possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of marijuana, and possession of drugs without a prescription. 


Basic rule of thumb..... Don't invite cops over to your home if you have  illegal drugs sitting about. Your home may be your castle but it's not supposed to be your pharmacy. 

 Dis-tracked  Driver

A Louisiana man  got distracted while driving because he was shooting up heroin at the same time rammed into the back of a police car on Monday. Ronald Caplina was driving about 40 mph when he crashed into the lieutenant’s police vehicle.

The Slidell police officer sustained minor injuries from the accident which happened at about 4 PM, according to WAFB. The officer was monitoring traffic and was parked on the shoulder when he noticed a  car veer off the road and head straight toward his car.

The impact pushed the police officer's vehicle several feet, causing minor injuries to both the officer and Caplina, who was not wearing his seat belt.

Slidell Police tried asking Caplina why he was distracted, but he could not give them a clear answer.

Police discovered a fresh syringe, along with suspected heroin, inside the vehicle and Caplina had fresh  track marks on his arm.

Police believe Caplina was distracted because he was injecting heroin at the time of the crash.


While it's never a good idea to hit a cop car, it makes it significantly worse, if you are shooting up heroine.  

With Friends Like This....

After 25 beers — maybe more, police say — a Springfield, Missouri  man fired a handgun from a vehicle, trying to hit a snake slithering across the street.

Two shots hit the car’s roof, one struck a passenger’s head and a fourth shot actually made it across the street, court documents say. While , Erin Moad, the passenger, was not seriously injured, according to the documents, he had to of been disappointed that the story focused more on the snake than the fact some drunk shot him in the head.

Tyler C. Parker was charged Tuesday with second-degree assault as well as one count of “unlawful use of a loaded firearm by an intoxicated person.”

Deputies were alerted to the July 20 shooting when hospital staff reported a suspicious gunshot wound.  According to court documents, Parker admitted to shooting across the farm road at a snake while sitting on the door of the vehicle. He allegedly said he had drank 25 beers or more.

If convicted, he could face as much as 11 years in prison.

I did find it interesting there are a lot of articles about this and nearly all of them focus on the fact the guy was shooting a snake while hanging out the car's window.  The fact, he shot his friend in the head seems to be a sub-plot.