Yesterday I sent in my paperwork to get a FBI background check, prior to me going in this morning to get fingerprinted. Missouri has enacted some new rules regarding those of us with questionable sanity, questionable integrity and questionable intelligence that hold real estate licenses in their state. While I can appreciate the fact that there are probably some low-life types that have licenses to buy and sell real estate, I am somewhat surprised at the the process to weed out the truly undeserving from the rest of us schlubs.
First of all, I went to a web site per the instructions of my broker to register. This site is a 3rd party type of company that Missouri obviously uses for the purpose of doing background checks for a number of professions.
Soooo...already...I have a problem. For the sake of not dissing the company by name I will call them KYSFIR (Keeping You Safe From Idiot Realtors). I would call them by name but they might have the FBI logged into my blog. From here on out I can't be too careful.
Anyway...I log in to this KYSFIR web site and through a maze of pick this and pick that type of questions, am pretty much asked "Why I am needing an FBI background check?
Well, crap...I say!!! Don't you know? The state of Missouri hired your company to do this. Why in the hell are you asking me? The quick answer is because its the law, you morons. If I want to keep my license, I have to have your company get all "up in my business" to make sure I am not a terrorist or a criminal. The long answer probably has to do with someone making some money by enacting this new rule.
The big ole logo at the top says of KYSFIR's very "user unfriendly" web site has a giant header that says:
With Trust and Confidence in individual identities provided by KYSFIR, governments and businesses around the world are protecting the public against terrorism, crime and theft fostered by fraudulent ID's.
Obviously, as a group we real estate agents are a shifty bunch and you as the public need to be protected from us. It probably should read terrorism, crime, theft and crooked real estate transactions.
So let me just assure you that I mean you no harm. Here is what the FBI guy will discover while doing my background check.
- Female
- Married
- Two children
- Brown Hair (well not really, but looks brown because of the dye)
- Hazel Eyes
- 5'4, 125 lbs.
- Never been in a jail cell (except on the Alcatraz tour)
- Never been in the back of a police car (wouldn't want to be arrested but might be fun for the experience)
- Don't have any outstanding warrants
- Have never needed bail money
- Haven't broken any laws that I am aware of...well..that's not entirely true. There is a law on the books in Illinois that says if you aren't married you must call your date "Master". I dated my husband 4 years prior to us getting married and not once did I call him "Master". That might show up on today's report. Oh and in Moline there is a law that says you can't repetitively use 23rd St. (guilty) and in Manteno you can't drop a used Kleenex, I don't think I did but I might have.
- Have only had 3 traffic accidents in my adult life (not counting the time I backed into Kiddo #1's car) 2 of those clearly weren't my fault, and the one that I got a ticket for was "allegedly" following too closely was when I rear ended a guy that slammed on his breaks in front of me. Dumb ass..meaning him..not me. I wasn't following too close until he stopped. Then I definitely was too close. In his backseat, pretty much.
- Have always followed the ethical rules of the National Board of Realtors. This has hurt my business considerably. Playing fair and honest doesn't work in your favor in this business.
I will get back with you and report if they have uncovered any smoking guns that won't allow me to renew my license.
The Good for the Day...I will have this piece of bureaucratic nonsense behind me after today.
The Bad for the Day...This is one that has my sorta steaming ...This company won't take a charge card or a check from me. I have to go get a cashier's check. WHAT???? They have done a FBI background check on me but can't trust me to use a charge card???????
This is what the FBI guy will look like when my file comes across his desk.
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